Supportive Listening

[anonymous_listener]

I've heard you guys use the term WIG. What does it mean?
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(posted on behalf of an anonymous listener)

[paul]

WIG stands for "What I Got." Here's how it works:

There I am, listening attentively to somebody as they talk about what is concerning them. I'm into what they are saying, I'm giving them lots of space, I'm not interrupting. On the right track.

But then something happens: they stop talking. Could be that they aren't used to not being interrupted, and they're not sure if it's OK to keep talking. Or could be that they've finished a train of thought.

Now for the dilemma: i's one thing to just listen, but now it's time for me to say something. But what? Do I relate my own story? Try to calm them down? Give a suggestion? The thing is if I do any of these, then I'm being directive, I'm guiding.

Our solution is to connect without guiding, and to do it at the "silence point" with the WIG, relaying back to the speaker "What I Got", in quite literal terms, from what they said.

The WIG is sometimes a recounting of the major points, without analysis or judgment. Or sometimes it's a recounting of just one point. Or even a specific vibe that the speaker communicated.

The thinking underneath the WIG is like that of recounting the speaker's experience, as if looking over their shoulder. It isn't an analysis, it isn't a "fresh outside view"--it is a recounting.

It's better if it isn't the exact words, although exact words can work. If the speaker detects an echo, it can be disconcerting. We're looking for natural "call and response" as opposed to parroting.

So the WIG is a way for the listener to confirm connection with the speaker.

Paul.
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Paul Konasewich
http://supportivelistening.org

[Eran]

Another purpose of the WIG is to make sure that I (the listener) understand what the speaker said. WIGs are often tentative, leaving room for the speaker to confirm or correct what I just said.

And it's okay either way! Even if the speaker says "no, that's not it," the speaker will often spontaneously add details or explain what I missed. The main thing (for both of us) is to know that I am engaged, I care, and I'm really trying to understand things from my speaker's point of view.

Example:

Speaker: "I'm really just not sure what I should do about this offer. If I take it, it'll be a great promotion and there will be lots of benefits that go with it, but then I will have to put a lot more time into my work. But if I don't take it, I kind of feel like I'm setting myself up for always staying at the same level."

Listener: "It's a dilemma, eh? Getting ahead would be nice, but it comes with a real cost."

Speaker: "Yeah... but really it's refusing the promotion that's worrying me. I don't really want to put more time into work, but I hate the idea of walking away from such an opportunity."
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- Eran

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